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2/11/13

From the Archives: The Doorstep Problem


TEOTWAWKI Blog now has over 1000 posts, since our beginning back in 2007 - that's a lot of reading, about a broad array of apocalyptic topics. You can navigate through old posts using the search function, post labels, navigating by month or by using the navigation buttons above.

Inspired by the drama on last night's episode of the Walking Dead, here's an old-but-goody from the archives talking about the dilemma of friends & family showing up on your doorstep after troubles have hit. I've gone through and added a bit here and there to help get across some of the points - so we'll call this a director's cut.

"If the world ends, I'm coming to your place!"

We've probably all heard some variation of the above before. Family and friends who plan to show up on your doorstep when the stuff splatters on the fan. I like to call this the "doorstep problem."

In some ways, I suppose having this problem is a compliment--family/friends recognize that we're prepared, they aren't, and they'll need to rely on you in a bad situation. But really, how to respond to this? Let them use up your limited supplies, eat you out of house and home? Turn them away?

Well, we're all about being prepared before trouble hits, so the doorstep problem something we need to think through and prepare before hard times. If TSHTF and your lazy, unprepared extended family member X shows up on your doorstep, you should have your course of action thought through and prepared beforehand.

The way I see it, there are three possible strategies for address the doorstep problem: leave them hanging, plan to support them or convert them to the survivalist way.



Leave 'em Hanging
This is a pretty cold way to be, and likely to not be viable unless you're a cold heart or particularly dislike your relatives/friends. Basically, you plan, on purpose, NOT to help anyone out when TEOTWAWKI strikes. Not just the random refugees, but even your family, friends--anyone. You've got survival for your family and that's it - everyone else is outta luck.

Some survivalists "soften" this approach by flying under the radar. They pretend to be just as unprepared as everyone else and prepare in secrecy -  generally a wise strategy anyways - and keep everyone not in their immediate family or survival group oblivious to your supplies. This focus on operational security (OPSEC) avoids the "I'm coming to your place!" conversation but will face the same decisions in the end--to help or not. If you're sitting on a mountain of MREs and you know mother-in-law is starving in her home an hour away, do you say "too bad!" or do something about it?

Others let friends/family know about their preps but make it very clear that they've only stored away enough for your family and there will be NO handouts after TEOTWAWKI. They say things like "I don't care who it is, I'm not going to give away my limited resources to people who were too foolish to prepare for themselves."

Either way, you'll be confronted with the problem of helping these people out if TSHTF. It could be they show up on your doorstep after TEOTWAWKI, despite the warnings that you've got nothing for them. Or, if you've managed to keep your supplies a secret--and can keep them a secret during a disaster-- you will have to sit by, doing nothing while your friends/family suffer, starve, remain in danger, or whatever. Both are pretty cold hearted, and you might be able to live with it, but you need to make sure your immediate family is on the same page. Will your wife be able to turn away her brother, sister, best friend--parents? Will you? Probably not.

And hey, if things are desperate, they probably won't leave. You're a starving refugee on your brother's or best friend's doorstep, and you know they've got food, water, guns and ammo, etc. Are you going to give up and head to the Superdome, or bang on the door, shout, complain--heck, maybe try to force your way in and try to talk some sense into 'em? As the prepared person in this scenario, looking to turn your unprepared loved one away, you may need to be ready to do so at gunpoint.

Aside from requiring a cold heart, turning away friends and family is just not the smart strategic choice. With a few exceptions, friends and family are an important asset - more manpower, experience, expertise, skills, and people to watch your back and look out for you in a fight. You can't be everywhere at once, stay awake 24/7 and have every possible skill. These are people you already know and trust (mostly). You'll need all of the help you can get to survive and keep ahead of the goblins and zombie biker gangs out there. Not utilizing that asset--turning it away--is just plain foolish.

Plan to Support Them
With this strategy, you accept the fact that your family and friends won't prepare and will look to you when TEOTWAWKI comes. You prepare accordingly, storing away additional food, water, guns and gear for them to use. When they show up, you can feed 'em and put them to work.

This approach to survival may be more expensive, but it also enables you to capitalize on the extra manpower and expertise that more people can provide, and it also acknowledges the fact that you will probably have to accommodate them anyways. They're not going to do a heck of a lot to prepare for themselves, so you decide to take some measures so cover things for 'em.

Cover your family's survival bases first, and then look to build up your supplies to accommodate your "doorstep crew." This doesn't need to be top of the line stuff--they're handouts, so make them cheap but durable and functional.

For food, add in more buckets of bulk staples. Rice, beans - the cheap stuff. If a family member has expressed interest in showing up at your place after things hit the fan, and you have some spare storage space, you might offer to put back some staples for them - just in case. $100 can go a long way when buying staples.

For gear, buy used, closeout sales, army surplus or keep around old stuff that you've replaced and upgraded. For guns--well, many survivalists that I know have gun safes packed to the brim. They could outfit a small army without too much trouble. If you don't fall into that group, if someone shows up empty handed, they shouldn't expect Tier 1 gear. An old Mosin, cheap imported pump action or flea market single shot shotgun, a box of ammo and a Mora knife - but beggars can't be choosers. Plus a few hundred rounds of ammo for each, plus some basic support gear, which could be as minimal as a satchel of some kind.

Aside from conventional survival supplies, think through the logistical and community-building aspects. Where will new comers sleep? What about the bathroom? How will you divide work? Make decisions? In a pandemic scenario, do you quarantine them? How? In the long run, how are you going to feed those extra mouths? How can your little community thrive and stay ahead of competing/combative groups?

You should also make it clear to friends and family that if they show up at your house looking for help, you're going to be the one calling the shots and you're going to put them to work. No free rides. Set the expectations beforehand. Something like:

"Hey, we know you're one of those doomsday survival types. If something bad happens, can we come ride it out at your place?"

"You can - I'd like you to bring whatever food, water and gear that you can. I'll do what I can, but if you show up empty handed, don't expect a whole lot more than rice, beans and a piece of floor to sleep on. If you're at my place, it's my rules - I'll be in charge and calling the shots. And I'll be putting you to work, right away."

Finally, few people--even unprepared ones--are totally useless. People have some kind of interest, asset or skill that you can capitalize on in a disaster scenario. Encourage your doorstep crew to bring that along with them if disaster strikes. So "yes, you can show up here, and we'll share our food with you, but I'm going to put you to work, and I want you to bring your welding gear/guns/attack gerbils/ATVs/whatever with you." Get whatever value you can out of them in exchange for the security you'd offer.

Convert them to Survivalism
This is kind of the "ideal," but also the most difficult to achieve for unmotivated friends/family. It's hard because getting someone to go from being an unprepared sheep to a self sufficient sheep dog is a big change of attitude and behavior. But that behavior change starts with something simpler, a change in belief. If you want to get someone to prepare for themselves, you've got to get them to believe that they need to.

In my experience, if a friend/family member has zero survival supplies and the "doorstep" attitude, they probably believe something like the following:
  1. Nothing really bad will ever happen and there's no need to have food storage, survival gear, etc.
  2. Even though I think something bad could happen, I can't afford/don't have time to do anything about it.
  3. If something bad DID happen, I have my good ol' buddy/relative, the police, the government, etc. to depend on.
WE can see through this reasoning pretty easily, and honestly, most people that I've known can too. Most people, deep down, feel some desire to be quasi-prepared for hard times. But they use the above reasoning to rationalize that feeling away.

"That will never happen" or "that could never happen here/to me" is the most prevalent, and often tied with "you're paranoid to think something like that COULD happen!" Of course, the news provides us with all kinds of great opportunities to point out the crappy things happening to people around the planet. Sometimes the doom and gloom approach works--opening peoples eyes to the fragility of society and all of the horrible things that happen can be a powerful and necessary thing.

Other times, the doom-and-gloom approach just doesn't work. Yep, you can point out all of the bad things out there, but again, they can say that it won't happen to them, they can't afford it, whatever. So, you have to be able to take alternate routes to change those beliefs. Here's a few ideas:
  • "It's your responsibility as a man/father/woman/mother to be able to take care of yourself."
  • "It's practical to have an emergency fund, food storage and a firearm for home defense. Use examples of how they've come in handy in your life or provided peace of mind."
  • Get them interested in something peripherally related to preparedness. Canning, sewing, hunting, fishing, shooting, reloading, camping, hiking, martial arts, knitting, mechanics, personal finances, whatever. 
  • Give prep-related gifts, especially those that can influence their beliefs and attitudes vs. getting put in a closet. EDC gear (that they will carry) is also a good belief changer--learning from experience that it's good to be prepared.
  • Discuss the economic benefits of preparing, mention great deals you've gotten, etc. Persuade them that they can afford to prep/it will save them money.
  • Along with the above, share survival related media with them. It gets the conversation going and can open people's minds. Books are good, but they can be overwhelming or too doomy-gloomy (Patriots is a good example here). Movies and TV shows are usually more approachable.
  • There's a variety of religious motivators for preparing, too, though scripture alone isn't enough to motivate many.
Let's face it - many people are peripherally interested in something that touches on survival, and they just need a mentor to put them on the right path. You can be that mentor - especially the seasoned/Grey Beard survivalists out there - and help get them started. With some work, instead of being a liability post-collapse, they'll be valuable allies, able to provide for themselves and pull their own weight.

A Combination Approach
Life is generally not as clear cut as we'd like it to be, and addressing the "doorstep" problem is the same way. You will probably have to use all three strategies as you deal with this problem.

There will be people you'll have to turn away--the neighbors, Bob from the accounting department, etc. Think that tough decision through beforehand; you can't take everyone in, but you also can't realistically plan to turn everyone away, either.

You should prepare handouts and extra supplies for those who you do take in, so that you're able to take full advantage of the benefit additional people can provide. Take care of the needs of your immediate family first and then make inexpensive preps in this area as you are able.

As you can, motivate your "doorstep" contingent to prepare--work on changing their beliefs about preparing and surviving. Take multiple approaches as needed and work to motivate them to be able to take care of themselves in a disaster. Turn them into valuable allies.

"I'm coming to your place!" is a big concern and headache for many survivalists, and needs to be handled with thought and care. But, if handled well, you can capitalize on the manpower and skills bring to the table, and hopefully convert a few into well-prepared allies along the way!

13 comments :

  1. Nice post. And I laughed when I read the "attack gerbils" line. lol

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  2. Every time that I have been confronted with the "I'll just come to your place" line, I always respond with- "You better be wearing some mighty good Kevlar then! You'd be lucky to get within a quarter mile." Their response is usually silent, but written all over their faces.

    Cold.....I know....But sometimes you have to be.

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  3. It's scary to think of how far those who are unprepared might go if their wife and kids where cold, hungry, injured, ect. I think most would not be satisfied with the answer no.
    I prepare, but what if my supplies were lost or became unaccessable? I would stop at nothing to make sure my family is safe and taken care of. I am what I consider to be a "good" person and if I'm willing to do anything to insure my families well being, what would those less concerened with doing the right thing be capable of. The family or friends that is turned away could be the difference between life and death if your fort is attacked. Also, if TSHTF the dust will settle and we will rebuild. Hopefully those deadbeat relatives and friends will be wiser and an asset at this point.

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  4. I've chosen to stock some items for barter/neighbors/friends/etc..., but have stopped well short of planning to support anyone other than my family and maybe a couple other family members. I've taken the approach of "I don't want to have to turn you away." with a couple friends.

    A recent natural disaster led me to NOT contact one of my friends during the disaster. Simply because I knew he would need/want help from me, and I couldn't provide it, and care for my family.

    Excellent post. Really something to think about...

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  5. Something to look forward to as I found your article very useful. Calamities might happen sooner or later and preparedness should be on top of our priority. Thank you again and god speed!

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  6. Here's a question to the tribe: what converted YOU to prepping ways?

    For me I think it was really when I got my first firearm--a Mark III Ruger .22 pistol. For some reason once I had a gun it flipped a little switch in my brain and I started really caring about prepping. I got an old ALICE pack and started putting together a decent bug out bag. I started obsessively watching Dave Canterbury's videos (still do). Survival became an interest and a priority to me. Again not sure why exactly, but I remember getting that .22 pistol and then all of a sudden caring a lot about survival and preparing for a disaster. I think firearms might be a common introduction to prepping. People get a gun and then start thinking about when they might need it. Really thinking through potential scenarios leads them to realize they might be inadequately prepared in other ways. I have a gun which will help if there's civil unrest but I'll also need food and water. It might also help to have some gas cans. And I might need to leave home altogether--I'll need a good BOB of some sort. And so on. So my advice is if you want someone to really get into prepping get them into guns and once that happens it'll be much easier. And guns might be more exciting/attractive than buying buckets of wheat.

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  7. I always tell the "Doorstepper's" to come on over I'll be watching for you through my scope!

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  8. I just tell them they are welcome if they can find their way through the minefield...

    Actually did use that line once and it was hilarious. Speaking of which how about that as a deterent to invaders. Just put up a few signs saying minefield - cross at your own risk. Then dig a few "craters" and scatter dirt (maybe even butchered animal parts) about.

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  9. Recently my next door neighbor mom was commenting about the potential SHFT coming. She stated she was stocking up on food for husband and 4 girls. I told her that was good to know. She asked if I was stocking up on food. I said, no, I was putting my resources into guns and ammo. She looked stunned and asked why. So, I tell her if SHFT does come, I'm coming to her house to get her food. She ran into the house. A second later her (laughing out loud) husband came out and we had a shared laugh. He was laughing louder than me if you get my drift. Truth is IF you are prepping you should keep quiet about it.

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  10. has anyone else noticed this.....if the topic of survivalism comes up, it turns into a huge fight between the preppers and the group that thinks things will never change(or there wont be any natural disasters). i have so pissed off the non-preppers that i doubt they would show up!

    also i NEVER tell anyone what i actually have as far as preps. i am 'prepping' but i dont go into specifics with relatives...NEVER with strangers.

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  11. It's always good to increase the ranks of your post apocalyptic gang of raiders, so don't turn the unprepared away! Plus, if you don't like them, you can make them take point.

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  12. typical post-TEOTWAWKI "conversation":
    Husband - no one is joining us
    Wife - but he's my brother
    H - well OK
    W - with his wife and daughter, obviously....
    W - .... and the daughter's boyfriend....
    W - ... and the boyfriend's 12 member family....
    W - .... and all their cousins and friends.....
    H - no one joins us.

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